The Latest Twist in "Having it All".
"A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best
friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is
vaguely aware of some short people living in the house."
Well, so it said on one of those humorous lists that my daughter
forwards to me by email. Leaving aside its complete inappropriateness
for my own active new-man-style parenting, of course, I can agree that
it may contain some kernel of truth about the male condition in
general. A man's place is at work....isn't it?
Modern notions of equality, in fact, hold that a woman's place can
equally be at work. But, according to Dad's Army: The case for
father-friendly workplaces, a new report by Richard Reeves of the Work
Foundation, while women have largely won the arguments for
family-friendly policies and practices in the workplace, neither men
nor their employers have yet got to grips with the dual roles required
by fatherhood and career.
A generational thing
The report argues that there is a generational divide in the workplace:
"..the one between fathers in
their fifties and those in, say, their thirties. Most of the former
group have wives who stayed at home to raise their kids, at least in
their pre-school years. Most of the latter group have wives or partners
who work."
And, it is argued, the "dinosaur dads" are the ones who currently
occupy the most senior positions, and "have a disproportionate
influence on workplace cultures".
"True," writes Reeves, "Many of
them have woken up to the fact that they now employ mothers. But few
have paid attention to the fact that they now employ a different kind
of father".

The modern father generally wants to be more actively involved at home.
So do his children, and so does his partner. It is the expectations of
the male role at work that gets in the way.
For the working man who wants also to be an active and involved father,
the culture that takes its cue from the more traditional division of
labour has to be changed. Individuals and families are paying a price -
and so are employers. By enforcing unnecessarily inflexible working
conditions, they demotivate fathers, put them under additional
pressure, and risk losing many of their best employees.
Stealth parenting
The report provides evidence of fathers' reluctance to admit to
parenting responsibilities. It can make them disinclined to ask for
more flexible working practices. And it often drives them to lie rather
than take time out for parenting purposes. Men "lack the tools and
language" to ask for flexible work.
The report notes that men want greater flexibility in their hours, and
more control over them. Women often negotiate larger chunks of time out
from work - via part-time work and term-time working, which generally
men don't go for.
We also have noted that so far the majority of home-based teleworkers are men (see our article on
Telework: Who's doing it and why).
I wonder how many of them have cited family reasons as the main reason
for doing so? Generally, one expects that decisions for home-based
working are built around the business case focusing on cost savings and
productivity, not around family-friendly issues.
There is also the issue of career progression. Opting out of evening
meetings, or being unable to stay late at the office can be death to a
career. If you won't do it, the next man - or woman - will.
A high profile example can make all the difference. Like the chief
executive who has his daughter's school performance written immovably
into the staff calendar, or a senior manager setting a lead by taking
paternity leave.
Five steps to father-friendliness
As always, the key question is "What is to be done?" The report offers
organisations a five-step approach to becoming effectively
father-friendly:
- A "Daddy Diagnostic" - find out the issues that fathers are dealing with, and audit existing HR policies
- Paternity leave - introduce provision that exceeds the statutory minimum to be introduced in April 2003
- Time sovereignty
- increase working hours flexibility, giving people more control over
the hours they work: "More than any single policy change, the
modernisation of company attitudes towards working time will help
working parents."
- Culture shift - taking responsibility at all levels to change attitudes towards fathering
- Good work - improving the quality of working life: so less stress and negativity is brought home.
This is an interesting, accessible and well-researched report,
providing plenty of food for thought. At times you will have to just
grimace and bear some clever-clever jauntiness, ever in search of a
memorable phrase - examples include: "the best men are the pressed
men", "we have seen the rise of dual-career couples; now we need
dual-carer couples", and the cringe-worthy "Daddy diagnostic". The
excursions into feminist thinking will be a touch arcane outside of
academic circles, too.
But on the whole, this is a report well worth reading, as a prelude to action in one's own organisation.